He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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