Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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