why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
