Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
