Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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