Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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