Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize