where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
