I just threw up on my dentist
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
