so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize