So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
