i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
