hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
