you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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