I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
