The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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