there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
