new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize