Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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