a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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