Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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