okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
