this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
