I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
