great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
