we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Holy sore nipples Batman
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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