I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
