pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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