man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
