you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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