i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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