i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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