my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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