My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
