Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize