The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
