Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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