im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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