someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
