i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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