I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
