So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize