Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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