if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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