I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
