So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
