I'm gonna have a badass scar
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
