it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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