just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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