I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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