watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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