OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
