i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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