Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
