i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
