Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
