so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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