i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
