Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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