Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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