i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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