Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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