whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
