You smell like a Billy Joel song
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry about my life...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
