ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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