This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
