I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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