george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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