I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
