Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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