I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
