If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
