Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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