Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
