The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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