You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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