I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
