I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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