Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
that may or may not have been my penis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize