You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
