they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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