I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
