Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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